The Rose

I figure I best describe what most women want in a man, she wants from the rose.

I love flowers. I love looking at them, running through fields of them.
Receiving them and caring for them.
But roses, well roses are special.
Especially those ever-stunning deep red ones.

Anyway back to what I want in a man, wait.... in a rose. Yes.

I don't want a dozen, or half for that matter.
Just one healthy perfect, long stemmed, thorn-free Looker.
I don't want one that's too clammed up as I love the process of watching one bloom,
and I want one which have a natural openness about it.
I promise to pamper you, Rose... water you, stare at you and sing to you...
just so you'll open up for me. Spread to all your glory.

Catching a glimpse of you in my living room makes me smile.
And I often want to color your petals with the redness of my lips.
When I breeze you across my face, I want you to smell sweet.
Of meadows and spring kisses.
Yet I acknowledge the complexity of your beauty and the delicacy of your being.

You don't often find a near perfect rose but you always remember it.
And same goes for that perfect man.

i feel strange

I am in a strange space.
I do not feel disappointment in myself but I am questioning why I am in this predicament again.
I thought I had it figured out. I thought I took my precautions already.
Yes I know you cannot plan Life and you can never really predict how things turn out but I thought I was a good judge of character and I could see past the bullshit.
I just can't help but think....how many times do I need to stumble over assholes and get trampled on by dickheads to emerge victorious with a Hero?
Do men these days really enjoy being mediocre and dating shallow rag dolls?
If so, my future is bleak.
I just find it sad that in this day and age, women are still allowing their partners to call the shots while they do all the work. Sort out the laundry, nurture the relationship, handle the finances, organize the outings, stay in touch with the families.
If a MAN wants to enjoy the perks of a partnership, shouldn't he be able to provide well for himself as well as his significant other?

It's so predictable. When the sex is abundant, the tolerance is limitless.
And MEN still don't get it...
Woman like their Men to take charge, sort shit out and make it look EASY! That is SEXY!
A Man who has his stuff sorted out, in his own time, and done incognito.
Not flashed and discussed to every Tom, Dick & Harry, heeding advice from acquaintances and airing dirty laundry.

It truly baffles me. A man is so protective of his Ego but where is his Pride?
Isn't it just as important to earn respect and admiration? Doesn't it feel good to be relied upon and looked up to? Doesn't the sex feel more rewarding if it is offered instead of claimed?
Why do the same questions and problems keep arising if there is genuine effort made to change it? Are men truly incapable of selfless acts of concern?

Maybe I am just sick and grumpy and this flu bug has gotten the best of me or I could be pms'ing which is the most commonly used excuse for bitchy behavior although truthfully, I know I started this blog frustrated and have finished it more confused than before.

I don't often feel this challenged and I keep reminding myself to look for the lesson in it.
And I pray it comes clear soon.

Emotional Vomit.

I just can't put my finger on it.
I am back to this same dead end. And I feel like shit.
Take another little piece of my heart. Really.
I'm that miserable, self-doubting lonesome self again. The one who counts minutes and jumps at the sound of an incoming text message. The one that starts questioning personal values and turns on innocent little habits. There is just so much fear.
And all I can think of is fight the fear, do what's right. And yet sometimes even that turns out to be too much. I have spun myself into this dark cocoon and I am so afraid as the light diminishes.
I am constantly questioning myself. Frightened that I am turning into someone I don't want to be. I have doubted my self worth so much that I am even unaware of bad things being done to me. I justify bad behavior unnecessarily for others.
And yet there are times when I tell myself I should have just shut up. There have been tons of times when my careless comments have hit one or two below the belt. But I've always been a very frank person and I believe straight-forwardness is unrated.
I am drawn to people who are quick-witted and bluntly humorous. Which also means they are mildly neurotic and incredibly free-spirited. They gypsy through life as I do and understand the concept that lifestyle is a state of mind.
Mind you, I have also been very attracted to the clean cut, nerdy, workaholic Daddy's Golden Child few, who I must admit was one of the 'types' that broke my heart a bit.
So I associate the "Business Men" to be Club Swinging, Russian kissing, White Shirt uniform party goers who only use their women for physical reasons and thrive on their own testosterone and Daddy's approval.

So there....I have vented. And yes I feel better. And maybe now I can go to sleep and dream of the tattoo exhibition I attended today.
Well...wait on that, I will blog that experience with pictures...real soon.

Namaste.