Looking through my 2008 diary, I come across quotes I picked up during the year. The ones that spoke to me enough for me to write it down in my little black book.
They are reminders and summaries of lessons I learned through all my encounters throughout the year.
It tells of the books I have read, the places I have been, the people I have met and my theories for life.
I would like to share some of my favorites with you.
"Life, if you keep chasing it so hard, will drive you to death.
Time - when pursued like a bandit - will behave like one;
Always remaining one country or one room ahead of you, changing its' name and hair color to elude.
At some point, you have to stop because it won't. You have to admit that you can't catch it.
At some point, you got to let it go and sit still and allow contentment to come to you." - Eat, Pray, Love Liz Gilbert.
"The Doctor of the future will not prescribe drugs; but will empower the patient with knowledge of nutrition and diet. Thereby prescribing self-healing..." Life Cafe, HK
"A Mother is the truest friend we have, when trails heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still she will cling to the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts." - Washington Irving.
"Don't think, don't ask, just DAnce!
Move through Life like a drop of water.
Falling, flowing, rising, drifting. Free your boundaries.
Fly, Plunge, Run, Stop!
But always mirror the Light." - The Mirror Cards.
"The premise of objective journalism is to record and relay the truth of things, as if truth were out there, hanging around, waiting for the reporter to show up."
"Happiness comes more from loving than being loved; and often when our affection seems wounded it is only our vanity bleeding.
To Love, and to be hurt often, and to love again - this is the Brave and Happy Life. - J. Buchrose
"People don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care. - Anonymous
Here's wishing you the very best in 2009.
Namaste.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
Seasons Greetings
Less than a month away from Christmas now.
All the decorations are coming up and carols fill the air reminding everyone the festive season is here.
People start saying "Seasons greetings" and everywhere you turn, bright lights not only illuminate the buildings, but the sky too.
I have always been a huge Xmas fan. I know that sounds strange but I love the vibe it gives out. The season to be jolly apparently, and a time for giving.. as the sayings goes.
This year, somehow I have not felt it yet. The financial shit has hit the fan, there is war and bombings, if not earthquakes killing countless innocent lives. Everyone is feeling the pressure of how fast the year flew by. More so than any other year I remember, 2008 has zipped through.
An extremely harsh year for most, the karmic hand hit hard and life reared it's rude awakenings.
It seems too unfair to say, "Think positive! Look ahead, it'll all come around."
We know at the back of our heads that the road ahead is pretty bumpy.
We are going to have to hang in there and really support one another.
"When I'm weak, I draw strength from you, and when I lost, I know how to change your mood, when I'm down you breathe live over me. Even when we apart we are each others destiny."
The chorus from one of my favorites song. Goes to show how music speaks the heart.
It is so difficult to resist all this turmoil threatening the hope, the belief that minds will be twisted and compassion crushed.
Life is not a contract. Relationships are not bounded by what we can do for each other.
Friendships are not on a come and go basic. We are not that diluted. And we should never be.
There is always room to love, to share, to rely on. We want to invest in loyalty and trust and understanding. And forgiveness and growth and moving forward.
We all contribute differently to each other's lives. The energy I share with my favorite guy friend feeds a whole separate side of my soul, while hanging out with goddesses nurtures another part. We need to appreciate each person's energy exchange and treasure it for what it is worth.
"Only when the last tree has been cut down; Only when the last river has been poisoned; Only when the last fish has been caught; Only then will you find that money cannot be eaten." As the American Indian proverb goes.
So for the festive season this year, we need to center and ground ourselves and be as true with our intentions as we possibly can. Give genuinely and live from the heart.
A gesture of kindness touches the soul much deeper than a pricey present.
Make it a point to spend time alone to look inside and decide what your heart needs. Because when you think about it, we all need to reassess our lives, consider our priorities and live life to the best we can. We all want purpose, we want to contribute, change the world. Have our voices heard. Make a little bit of history. But we must always remember to take some time out to consider your true intentions. To see if you are on the right path. In the right direction.
Whatever it is, you must learn not to offend those who love and support you.
Not ego, but love will get you where you aspire to be.
Namaste.
All the decorations are coming up and carols fill the air reminding everyone the festive season is here.
People start saying "Seasons greetings" and everywhere you turn, bright lights not only illuminate the buildings, but the sky too.
I have always been a huge Xmas fan. I know that sounds strange but I love the vibe it gives out. The season to be jolly apparently, and a time for giving.. as the sayings goes.
This year, somehow I have not felt it yet. The financial shit has hit the fan, there is war and bombings, if not earthquakes killing countless innocent lives. Everyone is feeling the pressure of how fast the year flew by. More so than any other year I remember, 2008 has zipped through.
An extremely harsh year for most, the karmic hand hit hard and life reared it's rude awakenings.
It seems too unfair to say, "Think positive! Look ahead, it'll all come around."
We know at the back of our heads that the road ahead is pretty bumpy.
We are going to have to hang in there and really support one another.
"When I'm weak, I draw strength from you, and when I lost, I know how to change your mood, when I'm down you breathe live over me. Even when we apart we are each others destiny."
The chorus from one of my favorites song. Goes to show how music speaks the heart.
It is so difficult to resist all this turmoil threatening the hope, the belief that minds will be twisted and compassion crushed.
Life is not a contract. Relationships are not bounded by what we can do for each other.
Friendships are not on a come and go basic. We are not that diluted. And we should never be.
There is always room to love, to share, to rely on. We want to invest in loyalty and trust and understanding. And forgiveness and growth and moving forward.
We all contribute differently to each other's lives. The energy I share with my favorite guy friend feeds a whole separate side of my soul, while hanging out with goddesses nurtures another part. We need to appreciate each person's energy exchange and treasure it for what it is worth.
"Only when the last tree has been cut down; Only when the last river has been poisoned; Only when the last fish has been caught; Only then will you find that money cannot be eaten." As the American Indian proverb goes.
So for the festive season this year, we need to center and ground ourselves and be as true with our intentions as we possibly can. Give genuinely and live from the heart.
A gesture of kindness touches the soul much deeper than a pricey present.
Make it a point to spend time alone to look inside and decide what your heart needs. Because when you think about it, we all need to reassess our lives, consider our priorities and live life to the best we can. We all want purpose, we want to contribute, change the world. Have our voices heard. Make a little bit of history. But we must always remember to take some time out to consider your true intentions. To see if you are on the right path. In the right direction.
Whatever it is, you must learn not to offend those who love and support you.
Not ego, but love will get you where you aspire to be.
Namaste.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Kota Kinabalu
I just had a blessed weekend. One of the best, I would consider, ever.
Late Saturday afternoon, I left Hong Kong for Kota Kinabalu, Sabah.
After a 3 hour flight, it took us only 45 minutes to get to the resort where we feasted on a Asian Buffet dinner at the Shangri La's Rasa Ria Cafe right on the beachfront. The sambal kangkong was cooked fresh for us, while we tucked into cornflake prawns, chicken satays, fried rice with pinches of sambal belachan when desired and washed it all down with calamansi juice. I love Malaysian cuisine.
Right next to the restaurant sat a Live Band neighbouring a well-stocked bar facing the ocean, with rattan umbrellas and bar stools. While music seranaded the sky, we sat there drinking our whisky sodas listening to the crash of the waves in the distance. A handsome half moon was out so the stars made their guest appearance too.
With tummies full and happily intoxicated, we adjourned back to our rooms to discover the beauty of our new Ocean Wing suites. Fitted with everything one might need in their personal haven, we sipped vodka shots on our balcony overlooking the glorious pool and glazed out to the sea.
The next afternoon, after a hearty brunch, we lazed by the kidney shaped pool and had foot massages. Swam in the sun and dropped into the spa for a traditional massage before setting our eyes on one of the most beautiful sunsets ever. A
s we walked along the beach, discovering nature and marveling over the corpse of a jellyfish, deep oranges, baby blues and all of dusk's shades filled the heavens. By the time we walked back to our room and filled the bath tub on the verandah, the Moon showered the waters with light and we looked into the dark mysterious distance as our muscles relaxed into the warm bubbles.
And once we were ready, room service staff prepared a candle lit dinner for us on the mezzanine and we savoured our local delights with glee.
Then Adrian, our guide, brought us down to the Tambalang river where the Bajao people live, to climb onboard a sampan which took us along the river bed in search of fire flies.
As I looked ahead and saw the tree glow with little freckles of light, I found it hard to contain my excitement and awe. Anil, the boat man cupped a few of them (skillfully and delicately) to show us what they looked like normally and I was surprise to find it reminded me of the tip of a thin red and black matchstick. We were extremely lucky, our guides said, as they had never seen so many fireflies on one night ever. And we felt exhilarated, digesting how fortunate we were to experience Mother Nature's wonder in it's full glory.
After about an hour on the water, we headed back to have fresh coconut juice and local treats in a typical Bajao home. I even tried my hand at making a delicious Bajao fritter on the stove and got to see how the locals live in their kampongs.
We sat together on the floor to chat and eat and exchange cultures and jokes. And when he heard thunder in the background, we knew it was time to head back to call it a night. The drive back featured padi fields and vast farmland and we talked about adventures of Mount Kinabalu.
The following morning started early with Kathy the Orang Utan. We had a private meeting and I got to cradle Kathy, gander at her hands, study her expressions and share some energy with the young ape. It was magical. Then we watched as she fed while swinging and trimming through the trees, scrutinising the branches and plucking fruit. As we blew her kisses and trekked out of the forest, we headed to the beach where Kimmy and Adrian were waiting for us with 4 ATVs.
After we put on our helmets and went through necessary safety briefings, we revved our engines and sped toward the swamps to ride through jungle. Since it had rained overnight, the ride was very muddy and we got stuck a few times and had to be pulled out of the rut but we braved on and were rewarded with Sabah coffee and banana fritters at the village cafe on the other side. As we washed our faces and braced ourselves for another motor trail, we looked down the river just to admire the view and the mountains by the horizon. East Malaysia is stunning.
We rode our ATVs to the beach where we fishtailed in the sand and raced along the water's edge.
Our need for speed blew wind threw our hair and kissed our faces with warm exhilaration.
And then, we threw off our helmets, peeled off our layers and dived into the cool comfort of the pool. We swam away the mud, the heat, the aches and the stings of the afternoon and quenched our thrist with fresh calamsi juice and ice lemon tea with plum seeds.
We floated in silence, thinking about the events of the day with deep fulfillment and gratitude.
Next, we went for a drive around the base of Mount Kinabalu. Just for the incredibe views and to look at local villages and east malaysian houses. The villages are so multi racial there that pagans and Christians live right next to each other and Muslim homes can be seen right next to Catholic churches. All flowing alongside harmoniously. Families set up stalls right by the roadsides selling anything from durians to rambutans and whatever fruits their gardens reep. There are even hot springs in the area but we decided to leave that indulgence for another trip.
I tried a local dish called Hinava which is Sabah's version of markerel carpaccio. It is civeched in lemon juice, ginger, chili, shallots and lemongrass and it is extremely tasty.
And finally, true to Singaporean style, on the way to the airport, we stopped by the Town's Pasar Malam food market and gorged on ikan bakar and udang bakar, accompanied by bbq chicken heart, liver and wings. If we had stayed to discover the rest of the market, it would have set us back another day so we tore ourselves away and dutifully went to the airport.
Our flight was delayed an hour so we sat at the coffeeshop, glad to have more time to enjoy KK just by drinking Sabah Milk tea.
As we pulled off the runway, I inhaled deeply and thanked my lucky stars along with the angels and goddesses and higher beings, and bid farewell to KK as the lights of an incredible place faded into the nightsky.
Late Saturday afternoon, I left Hong Kong for Kota Kinabalu, Sabah.
After a 3 hour flight, it took us only 45 minutes to get to the resort where we feasted on a Asian Buffet dinner at the Shangri La's Rasa Ria Cafe right on the beachfront. The sambal kangkong was cooked fresh for us, while we tucked into cornflake prawns, chicken satays, fried rice with pinches of sambal belachan when desired and washed it all down with calamansi juice. I love Malaysian cuisine.
Right next to the restaurant sat a Live Band neighbouring a well-stocked bar facing the ocean, with rattan umbrellas and bar stools. While music seranaded the sky, we sat there drinking our whisky sodas listening to the crash of the waves in the distance. A handsome half moon was out so the stars made their guest appearance too.
With tummies full and happily intoxicated, we adjourned back to our rooms to discover the beauty of our new Ocean Wing suites. Fitted with everything one might need in their personal haven, we sipped vodka shots on our balcony overlooking the glorious pool and glazed out to the sea.
The next afternoon, after a hearty brunch, we lazed by the kidney shaped pool and had foot massages. Swam in the sun and dropped into the spa for a traditional massage before setting our eyes on one of the most beautiful sunsets ever. A
s we walked along the beach, discovering nature and marveling over the corpse of a jellyfish, deep oranges, baby blues and all of dusk's shades filled the heavens. By the time we walked back to our room and filled the bath tub on the verandah, the Moon showered the waters with light and we looked into the dark mysterious distance as our muscles relaxed into the warm bubbles.And once we were ready, room service staff prepared a candle lit dinner for us on the mezzanine and we savoured our local delights with glee.
Then Adrian, our guide, brought us down to the Tambalang river where the Bajao people live, to climb onboard a sampan which took us along the river bed in search of fire flies.
As I looked ahead and saw the tree glow with little freckles of light, I found it hard to contain my excitement and awe. Anil, the boat man cupped a few of them (skillfully and delicately) to show us what they looked like normally and I was surprise to find it reminded me of the tip of a thin red and black matchstick. We were extremely lucky, our guides said, as they had never seen so many fireflies on one night ever. And we felt exhilarated, digesting how fortunate we were to experience Mother Nature's wonder in it's full glory.
After about an hour on the water, we headed back to have fresh coconut juice and local treats in a typical Bajao home. I even tried my hand at making a delicious Bajao fritter on the stove and got to see how the locals live in their kampongs.
We sat together on the floor to chat and eat and exchange cultures and jokes. And when he heard thunder in the background, we knew it was time to head back to call it a night. The drive back featured padi fields and vast farmland and we talked about adventures of Mount Kinabalu.The following morning started early with Kathy the Orang Utan. We had a private meeting and I got to cradle Kathy, gander at her hands, study her expressions and share some energy with the young ape. It was magical. Then we watched as she fed while swinging and trimming through the trees, scrutinising the branches and plucking fruit. As we blew her kisses and trekked out of the forest, we headed to the beach where Kimmy and Adrian were waiting for us with 4 ATVs.
After we put on our helmets and went through necessary safety briefings, we revved our engines and sped toward the swamps to ride through jungle. Since it had rained overnight, the ride was very muddy and we got stuck a few times and had to be pulled out of the rut but we braved on and were rewarded with Sabah coffee and banana fritters at the village cafe on the other side. As we washed our faces and braced ourselves for another motor trail, we looked down the river just to admire the view and the mountains by the horizon. East Malaysia is stunning.
We rode our ATVs to the beach where we fishtailed in the sand and raced along the water's edge.
Our need for speed blew wind threw our hair and kissed our faces with warm exhilaration.
And then, we threw off our helmets, peeled off our layers and dived into the cool comfort of the pool. We swam away the mud, the heat, the aches and the stings of the afternoon and quenched our thrist with fresh calamsi juice and ice lemon tea with plum seeds.
We floated in silence, thinking about the events of the day with deep fulfillment and gratitude.
Next, we went for a drive around the base of Mount Kinabalu. Just for the incredibe views and to look at local villages and east malaysian houses. The villages are so multi racial there that pagans and Christians live right next to each other and Muslim homes can be seen right next to Catholic churches. All flowing alongside harmoniously. Families set up stalls right by the roadsides selling anything from durians to rambutans and whatever fruits their gardens reep. There are even hot springs in the area but we decided to leave that indulgence for another trip.
I tried a local dish called Hinava which is Sabah's version of markerel carpaccio. It is civeched in lemon juice, ginger, chili, shallots and lemongrass and it is extremely tasty.
And finally, true to Singaporean style, on the way to the airport, we stopped by the Town's Pasar Malam food market and gorged on ikan bakar and udang bakar, accompanied by bbq chicken heart, liver and wings. If we had stayed to discover the rest of the market, it would have set us back another day so we tore ourselves away and dutifully went to the airport.
Our flight was delayed an hour so we sat at the coffeeshop, glad to have more time to enjoy KK just by drinking Sabah Milk tea.
As we pulled off the runway, I inhaled deeply and thanked my lucky stars along with the angels and goddesses and higher beings, and bid farewell to KK as the lights of an incredible place faded into the nightsky.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Mean Girls.
As she sat there listening, in shock, to what this girl was saying to her, various thoughts crossed her mind.
"Is this for real?"
"Are you just going to sit here and let this girl talk to you like this?"
"Some people have such nerve! Or are just plain suicidal!"
Rachel kept her composure and let Shiat ramble on about how unhappy she observed Rachel to be lately. Knowing full well that the only thing she had been displeased about was the fact that Shiat had been nick picking on her the last few encounters due to her own insecurities.
"It's just that I am highly intuitive and I notice you have not been happy." Shiat claims.
Rachel bites down on her lip but resists the urge to reveal that the only thing Rachel has been holding back is retaliating to Shiat's lame attempts to provoke her.
"Thank you for your concern, but I am doing rather well actually and as much as I appreciate you offering up your therapists number, I don't think I need someone else to advise me on how to live and enjoy my life." Rachel graciously comments.
Shiat proceeds to lay it on Rachel, stating how unsuccessful she has been with finding the right man, how worn out she has been looking, and how quiet her career has gone.
Rachel takes a deep breath in, as she does when she meditates and on her exhale, releases all the negativity this conversation has brought upon her. She finds some polite reason to excuse herself and then takes a moment to center herself and her thoughts.
Rather stunned by the audacity, Rachel gathers herself and heads off for yoga practice. After her usual daily asana, she meditates and chants a little, assuring herself that compassion and understanding overcomes all issues, even stubborn little ones in denial. Karma is powerful and rears it's head naturally in time, it is not for her to teach others' lessons they themselves cannot learn.
Rachel knows that if she reacts badly to these lame attempts of jealously and maliciousness, it puts her down there on that childish, immature, insecure level and she has worked too hard on her spirituality and self respect to allow it to come crashing down alongside Shiat's bad intentions.
Rachel decides she will wait, and observe and trust that the truth will eventually reveal itself.
"Is this for real?"
"Are you just going to sit here and let this girl talk to you like this?"
"Some people have such nerve! Or are just plain suicidal!"
Rachel kept her composure and let Shiat ramble on about how unhappy she observed Rachel to be lately. Knowing full well that the only thing she had been displeased about was the fact that Shiat had been nick picking on her the last few encounters due to her own insecurities.
"It's just that I am highly intuitive and I notice you have not been happy." Shiat claims.
Rachel bites down on her lip but resists the urge to reveal that the only thing Rachel has been holding back is retaliating to Shiat's lame attempts to provoke her.
"Thank you for your concern, but I am doing rather well actually and as much as I appreciate you offering up your therapists number, I don't think I need someone else to advise me on how to live and enjoy my life." Rachel graciously comments.
Shiat proceeds to lay it on Rachel, stating how unsuccessful she has been with finding the right man, how worn out she has been looking, and how quiet her career has gone.
Rachel takes a deep breath in, as she does when she meditates and on her exhale, releases all the negativity this conversation has brought upon her. She finds some polite reason to excuse herself and then takes a moment to center herself and her thoughts.
Rather stunned by the audacity, Rachel gathers herself and heads off for yoga practice. After her usual daily asana, she meditates and chants a little, assuring herself that compassion and understanding overcomes all issues, even stubborn little ones in denial. Karma is powerful and rears it's head naturally in time, it is not for her to teach others' lessons they themselves cannot learn.
Rachel knows that if she reacts badly to these lame attempts of jealously and maliciousness, it puts her down there on that childish, immature, insecure level and she has worked too hard on her spirituality and self respect to allow it to come crashing down alongside Shiat's bad intentions.
Rachel decides she will wait, and observe and trust that the truth will eventually reveal itself.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Emotional Vomit.
I just can't put my finger on it.
I am back to this same dead end. And I feel like shit.
Take another little piece of my heart. Really.
I'm that miserable, self-doubting lonesome self again. The one who counts minutes and jumps at the sound of an incoming text message. The one that starts questioning personal values and turns on innocent little habits. There is just so much fear.
And all I can think of is fight the fear, do what's right. And yet sometimes even that turns out to be too much. I have spun myself into this dark cocoon and I am so afraid as the light diminishes.
I am constantly questioning myself. Frightened that I am turning into someone I don't want to be. I have doubted my self worth so much that I am even unaware of bad things being done to me. I justify bad behavior unnecessarily for others.
And yet there are times when I tell myself I should have just shut up. There have been tons of times when my careless comments have hit one or two below the belt. But I've always been a very frank person and I believe straight-forwardness is unrated.
I am drawn to people who are quick-witted and bluntly humorous. Which also means they are mildly neurotic and incredibly free-spirited. They gypsy through life as I do and understand the concept that lifestyle is a state of mind.
Mind you, I have also been very attracted to the clean cut, nerdy, workaholic Daddy's Golden Child few, who I must admit was one of the 'types' that broke my heart a bit.
So I associate the "Business Men" to be Club Swinging, Russian kissing, White Shirt uniform party goers who only use their women for physical reasons and thrive on their own testosterone and Daddy's approval.
So there....I have vented. And yes I feel better. And maybe now I can go to sleep and dream of the tattoo exhibition I attended today.
Well...wait on that, I will blog that experience with pictures...real soon.
Namaste.
I am back to this same dead end. And I feel like shit.
Take another little piece of my heart. Really.
I'm that miserable, self-doubting lonesome self again. The one who counts minutes and jumps at the sound of an incoming text message. The one that starts questioning personal values and turns on innocent little habits. There is just so much fear.
And all I can think of is fight the fear, do what's right. And yet sometimes even that turns out to be too much. I have spun myself into this dark cocoon and I am so afraid as the light diminishes.
I am constantly questioning myself. Frightened that I am turning into someone I don't want to be. I have doubted my self worth so much that I am even unaware of bad things being done to me. I justify bad behavior unnecessarily for others.
And yet there are times when I tell myself I should have just shut up. There have been tons of times when my careless comments have hit one or two below the belt. But I've always been a very frank person and I believe straight-forwardness is unrated.
I am drawn to people who are quick-witted and bluntly humorous. Which also means they are mildly neurotic and incredibly free-spirited. They gypsy through life as I do and understand the concept that lifestyle is a state of mind.
Mind you, I have also been very attracted to the clean cut, nerdy, workaholic Daddy's Golden Child few, who I must admit was one of the 'types' that broke my heart a bit.
So I associate the "Business Men" to be Club Swinging, Russian kissing, White Shirt uniform party goers who only use their women for physical reasons and thrive on their own testosterone and Daddy's approval.
So there....I have vented. And yes I feel better. And maybe now I can go to sleep and dream of the tattoo exhibition I attended today.
Well...wait on that, I will blog that experience with pictures...real soon.
Namaste.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Lost
You come to realize eventually that things just have to run their course.
And you start to learn fast that you have to let it go and flow with it.
I always find I compromise my pride and question my dignity which frustrates me and makes me feel like I am still running this hamster wheel in a rat race.
I find that patterns are hard to break. And I am put right back in a situation I was trying so hard to get out of. I feel I have not learn the lesson in some aspect I fail to see, or refuse to. I am trying my best to stay aware, do good, keep positive and run my course. But I am still in this strange maze which always leads me right back to 'being lost'.
I know I am unbalanced. And my priorities need to be re-evaluated. But I also know that living the life I have lived so far, it is difficult to understand, or even start to think about, the psychological frenzy that goes on in my head. To begin with, I have never really felt AT HOME anywhere. I have lived and seen SO many cities. Loved, lived and lusted in each of them but I have never really had anywhere I could really go home to. I have boxes of clothes, kitchenware, art, furniture in Australia, Bali, Hong Kong, Singapore but mostly memories and decorations that remind me of a certain time frame of my past. I have yet to own a place I can fill with 'trophies' of my excursions around the world and large hanging candles I plan to buy from Fremantle markets... And the reason I have not rooted myself is simply because I am still undecided.
So it is obvious to see you are whatever you focus on. I feel lost often, in my life, wondering if I'm going the right way. Worried if I've upset or hurt anyone along the way. But I am mainly lost because I am undecided. And once I put my foot down and claim what I deserve, all will fall into place. And I can plant my feet. And reach for the heavens.
Namaste.
And you start to learn fast that you have to let it go and flow with it.
I always find I compromise my pride and question my dignity which frustrates me and makes me feel like I am still running this hamster wheel in a rat race.
I find that patterns are hard to break. And I am put right back in a situation I was trying so hard to get out of. I feel I have not learn the lesson in some aspect I fail to see, or refuse to. I am trying my best to stay aware, do good, keep positive and run my course. But I am still in this strange maze which always leads me right back to 'being lost'.
I know I am unbalanced. And my priorities need to be re-evaluated. But I also know that living the life I have lived so far, it is difficult to understand, or even start to think about, the psychological frenzy that goes on in my head. To begin with, I have never really felt AT HOME anywhere. I have lived and seen SO many cities. Loved, lived and lusted in each of them but I have never really had anywhere I could really go home to. I have boxes of clothes, kitchenware, art, furniture in Australia, Bali, Hong Kong, Singapore but mostly memories and decorations that remind me of a certain time frame of my past. I have yet to own a place I can fill with 'trophies' of my excursions around the world and large hanging candles I plan to buy from Fremantle markets... And the reason I have not rooted myself is simply because I am still undecided.
So it is obvious to see you are whatever you focus on. I feel lost often, in my life, wondering if I'm going the right way. Worried if I've upset or hurt anyone along the way. But I am mainly lost because I am undecided. And once I put my foot down and claim what I deserve, all will fall into place. And I can plant my feet. And reach for the heavens.
Namaste.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)