i feel strange

I am in a strange space.
I do not feel disappointment in myself but I am questioning why I am in this predicament again.
I thought I had it figured out. I thought I took my precautions already.
Yes I know you cannot plan Life and you can never really predict how things turn out but I thought I was a good judge of character and I could see past the bullshit.
I just can't help but think....how many times do I need to stumble over assholes and get trampled on by dickheads to emerge victorious with a Hero?
Do men these days really enjoy being mediocre and dating shallow rag dolls?
If so, my future is bleak.
I just find it sad that in this day and age, women are still allowing their partners to call the shots while they do all the work. Sort out the laundry, nurture the relationship, handle the finances, organize the outings, stay in touch with the families.
If a MAN wants to enjoy the perks of a partnership, shouldn't he be able to provide well for himself as well as his significant other?

It's so predictable. When the sex is abundant, the tolerance is limitless.
And MEN still don't get it...
Woman like their Men to take charge, sort shit out and make it look EASY! That is SEXY!
A Man who has his stuff sorted out, in his own time, and done incognito.
Not flashed and discussed to every Tom, Dick & Harry, heeding advice from acquaintances and airing dirty laundry.

It truly baffles me. A man is so protective of his Ego but where is his Pride?
Isn't it just as important to earn respect and admiration? Doesn't it feel good to be relied upon and looked up to? Doesn't the sex feel more rewarding if it is offered instead of claimed?
Why do the same questions and problems keep arising if there is genuine effort made to change it? Are men truly incapable of selfless acts of concern?

Maybe I am just sick and grumpy and this flu bug has gotten the best of me or I could be pms'ing which is the most commonly used excuse for bitchy behavior although truthfully, I know I started this blog frustrated and have finished it more confused than before.

I don't often feel this challenged and I keep reminding myself to look for the lesson in it.
And I pray it comes clear soon.

Ma Gals!

I realize that I have hardly shared much pictures on my blogspot but all that will change now considering I just scored a Canon 500D from my dearest friends for my birthday.
My good old Faithful Ixus 65 is taking a much needed break and in it's honor, I am sharing some great pics shot by it.
Pls take it away for the tribute to my Girlfriends....




The shot above is of Valerie and I at the Ivy in NYC drinking Pineapple martinis. I was pickled silly.



This picture was taken in LA at the Beverly Hills hotel Feb 2008 where Maggie, Sean and I gossiped and chatted over Bellinis all evening. Yum. Burp.

This hilarious shot was taken when Erika threw a Mad Hatter's Birthday party for her Hubby, Micheal and we all got to put on the Head Gear and picture ourselves at Burning Man. :)

Well there you have it. I would add more pics but am kind of confused with the photo layout system at the mo. But watch this space for more eye candy.

Bloomday Blues?

Omygosh it's that time of year again. The week before my birthday.
And before I look through my blog to see what I wrote the past few years during this period,
I can already sense the nerves.
It's crazy. A part of me knows that time is man-made and yes a birthday celebrates the day One comes into this realm or dimension but ultimately, it is the intensity I feel, in the natural forces of the Universe that make it clear that year after year, cycle after cycle, this whole period is of a fragile one.
My soul feels vulnerable.
I start to question my existence and how much I have contributed to the scales.
I weigh my connections and review promises I made to myself, every birthday before.
I wonder if anyone would ever really accept and understand all these wacky cycles of mine.

The rituals I do for myself, remind me of my own achievements, my own code and my direction.
I do not indulge myself just for the fun of. In fact, quite the opposite.

Gatherings like Burning Man or WoMad music festivals celebrate that Mighty Energy of many beings all rejoicing, which is powerful.
But birthday gatherings, I have come to discover, are opportunities to surround yourself with a very encouraging and nurturing energy as the lessons are personal and the joys, very close to the Heart.

So my birthday wish this year is not just for me but for my Loved Ones and family.
I wish for Inspiration and Abundance, Passion and Joyous Energy, Faith and Blessings.
May we trust that the bad times are for purging and detoxification so when the rainbow appears, Golden Light will come pouring in.
So be It.

C